If you bombard your ex with your neediness dripping all over you, I'm
sorry but you don't stand a chance coming out on top.
So,
what should you do?
You
may not completely understand it right now but this strategy will help
you BOTH resolve the confusion and gives you a greater
chance of
getting back together...
Stop
pressing. Stop asking questions. Stop wriggling out any assurance.
People
aren't attracted to desperation because it is seen as a burden and a
chore. Similarly, people are attracted to independence, forward
thinking and determination.
Pray
for patience because this is a huge task you need to do if you want to
be together again. This will take some effort.
Give
them the space they need. The quiet moments to truly hear their hearts.
Let
your ex learn about TRUE love. Don't get in the way.
Little
by little you will begin to realize the extreme importance of your
overall plan that you quiet yourself and have CONTROL. Have the
confidence that what your beloved is going through will pass.
Your
NO CONTACT Rules:
- First,
give yourself 30 days.
- NC
includes not looking at pictures, or anything that reminds you
of your time together.
- Do
not go to places that you used to frequent with your ex or they will go
to, hoping to "accidentally" bump into them.
- Never
tell your ex that you want NC. Let your actions speak for you.
- If
your ex contacts you (phone, email, text message) unless it's a matter
of life and death, you can NOT respond. PERIOD. (They noticed
you're not around. Your lover would retreat again once they
got the
SECURITY of knowing you're still there silently waiting. NOT
good!
Let go. Your ex has a line in the water. Don't
bite!)
- Whatever
you do...don't reply! Don't give them the opportunity to make
you feel desperately sad, AGAIN! Stay in charge.
Keep the power. Keep control. Keep NC.
- Everyday,
write how you feel and what happened with your day.
- In
moments of weakness, call for back up. Get some friends over
or see if you can make a trip to a friend's place.
- After
30 days, read your journal and write something based on what you felt
on the first day and how you feel 30 days after.
Imagine,
for a moment, that it's a month from today... your guy or gal will be
the one pulling all the stops just to hear your voice or receive
even a simple "hello" text message from you.
When
you're done with your NC phase, you can start to reply to your lover's
phone messages or email if it "deserves"
a reply.
Be
Sure That Each Communication Does HONOR To You.
REMINDER: You should
never use the No Contact Phase as a bargaining chip to get
someone back. I told you,
this isn't about "game
playing".
This is YOU showing and
teaching other people in your quiet dignified way how you should
be treated without saying a word.
Don't overthink stuff,
if you do, you'll get nowhere. What is laid out before you is the EXACT
process that realistically helped others recapture their lover's heart
- copy it and you will also get their results.
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